Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Boredom

It's happened. I have become bored with using My Fitness Pal. My life is simply too busy to stop and record everything I eat and do throughout the day. The app is like an old friend that helped me through some tough times and now that I've learned a lot from it, I feel like I no longer need it. Maybe I'll come back one day, but for now, it bores me.

Speaking of boredom, I am bored with only walking. Not the walking itself; I still love it. I just need to change up my routine. I spoke before about adding some weights to help with my arms and I still haven't done anything like it yet. I had to put on some lycra this week for an audition and seeing myself in those big mirrors at the dance studio just about did me in. I still haven't come to terms with the emotions that are welling up inside me. I haven't seen the inside of a dance studio in 20 years. And it shows. I mean, I am happy I've lost almost 15lbs, but I still have a LONG way to go (like another 30lbs!). Not to mention the fact that I haven't lost anything in the last two weeks. It's no one's fault but my own. I know what I need to do and I am not doing it all of the time. I'm bored. And when I am bored, I eat. I'm an emotional eater and someone who eats out of boredom. Not even MFP will help.

You know what would help? If I could find a plastic surgeon who could do some pro bono abdominoplasty work. This sagging c-section belly will NOT go away. No matter what I do, it just hangs there. You cannot see all of the other progress on my body because of it. It's so embarrassing. It is one of the sources of my depression. I once had a doctor tell me that no matter what I did, my belly would never be the same without surgery. My muscles are toast and won't recover. Well, I don't totally agree but he's got something on some level. Now, do I try hard enough? Maybe not. I guess my attitude is "why try?" when I know the result may never change. It's very frustrating. If anyone knows a good surgeon who may take pity on a girl who donated her kidney, hook me up!! LOL

Anyway! I hope this boredom passes. I need to make changes to help and hold myself accountable. I have to stay on track with my eating and exercise and increase it when it's needed; like with toning and weights. I still do not want to join a gym, but I think it may be time to look into options here at work for employees. We have fitness centers around campus at a discounted price and I am going to contact someone about personal training. The time has come for me to not do this alone. Hopefully this will help cure my boredom!

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

And So It Begins...

It's that time of year when food is my enemy!! There are chocolate covered marshmallow pumpkins, candy corn, snack size candy bars, pies, cakes, casseroles, etc., CALLING MY NAME! This is not good for someone who has lost nearly 15lbs and is in great fear of gaining it back. Pretty soon we'll be turning on the heat in the house and wanting to stay in more and that leads to boredom, which leads to eating! Good gosh, it's hard to change your lifestyle with all of this temptation around. I admit I have had a few slips here and there. Chocolate is my weakness and lately I've noticed a pattern where I am eating more of it a little at a time. This will lead to me needing and wanting other sugary items and I cannot let this get to me! So....I have decided that I will just need to work harder to work it off. That sounds like a compromise, right? I've increased my walking to 4 miles now and even though it's killing me, I am doing it. But let me tell you, at the 3 mile mark I always end up saying to myself "is it time to go?". I just keep on walking and bitching in my head the entire time. But let's face it, I am not going to get into a size 6 with that attitude. So, I digress....

In other news, I have decided to audition for a local production of "The Wizard of Oz". Yes, it's official, I've lost my mind. Having been a dancer & dance teacher from the ages of 12-24, I can handle the dance portion of the audition with no problems. It's the singing part that has me worried. Now, my father was always a great singer. We have great singers in our family; including my sister. I can carry a tune - I really can! It's not always pretty, but I could be one heck of a backup singer (with a mic turned down). But my friend, Robyn, encouraged me to audition and she said she'd sing with me (she will regret this!). Never mind that she's been on Broadway and actually has a voice of her own that is great! And that she runs this local theater group. So, I downloaded the original soundtrack from the movie and I listened to it on my walk this week. Let me tell you, this is great music to walk to! It's motivating and invigorating. Yes, I practiced a few songs out loud and no one looked at me. I'm not the only one who sings while they're walking at the Arboretum. I see people doing it every day. Whatever it takes to get you around that track, I say! (see picture of my walk below: I included a picture of the hill that always has me bitching!) I haven't decided which song to sing and does it really matter? I am going to butcher them all anyway! The audition is Monday night and I do not own any clothes that are appropriate for a theater/dance audition. I can't even find all of my dance shoes. I have an entire bag of shoes somewhere but it's probably in storage. I guess I'll hit the stores and see what I can find just to get through the audition. Wish me luck! Better yet, please pray I do not make a fool of myself!

P.S., I am not weighing in this week. I just don't feel it would be a good thing to do because of the aforementioned chocolate problem, but I am down two sizes in pants and most of my shirts are too big, so this makes me one happy camper! Also, bowling was the best its been last night! Let's hope I can keep this momentum going.

Happy Fall!